Throwback 2022

Just like any other new year, the plan is to write a throwback that I can revisit at the end of every year just to reminisce about the journey of my being.

This year like any other year was full of lessons. However, this time the lessons were life changing and varied.

I understood why being 25 is related directly with the quarter life crisis. It isn’t that we’re going to live a hundred years and have just finished the one-fourth of our life span. The nomenclature has taken form because at this age we are dealing with the critical decisions about life changing events that might dictate the rest of our lives.

Sad how life forces us to take these tough calls when we are so young and inexperienced. By this age we are all at least trying to figure out our tribe, our careers, our partners and have understood how important family is. This is the age of seeing parents grow older and realisation of responsibility.

My 25th year was no different. But if I have to maintain accounts, it has only been profitable. There have been losses but gains have been more. I may take the liberty to attribute this with the newfound mindset of accepting only the things that lead to growth and eliminating situations that bring negativity and pitfalls. Of course they do occur but the net effect is always favourable.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying everything goes right in my life, in fact everything that could go wrong has gone wrong with me – but this year has taught me to learn from the things that go wrong – once you focus on what universe is trying to teach you, it takes you to your reward. You reach where you’re supposed to be.

Everything is about the mindset. The feelings of anger, hurt and pain can be made temporary if we replace them with growth and gratitude.

I’m most grateful for the people in my life who have always been my best critiques, my propellers, my light in the dark hours and my knight in normal clothes for shining armours are fiction and unreal. People who make our life better in their own flawed human skin are the people we need to carry till our grave. My gratitude to God for filling my life with such presence is immense.

In this year, I’ve also lost people I thought would stay with me for the rest of my life. They have taught me that it is nobody’s fault if two people cannot grow at the same pace in the same direction. When we aren’t able to provide the same things we once could because our life doesn’t allow us to – either we modify our needs or the bond breaks.

However, when such a bond breaks, it teaches you everything about yourself. It helps you identify your boundaries and highlights the importance of putting your needs on the table as well. I would not say that we have to put ourselves first – a narrative rampant lately – I think that we have to put out our needs as well while being accommodating of the needs of others.

Now my expectations are bare minimum. This, I realise is a prerequisite to form better bonds. Life keeps on changing by the minute, it is upon us if we wish the person to be the same or the bond. I don’t promise forevers anymore because I understand what is meant to be will stay. When you have such a belief, the universe automatically leads you to its gifts and good friends with a good core are the best gifts of all.

There is this analogy about trains that I have used a lot in this year. It has facilitated my healing and changed my outlook towards all interpersonal relationships. Your life is like a train and some people get down at different stations while some people stay aboard throughout, some people get in from time to time. It is upon us to decide whether to keep lamenting the ones gone or to live to the fullest with the ones that are around.

This year hasn’t all been about people and mindset – it has also been about actions and taking steps that I’ve been wanting to take. I’ve ticked off two things on my bucket list – performing poetry on stage and traveling (if only a little). However both these things have only ignited my hunger. Now I wish to perform more, perform often, read more, grow with my art – you know take my natural instincts more seriously and really build upon them. I also wish to travel more, travel far and travel solo. Maybe these will be the resolutions I enter the new year with.

The current year was also spent in learning worldly things, reading more – finally caving in and reading non-fiction (something I always shunned and looked down upon). I would always say why should someone else teach me how to live? Looks like I need it :D!

The current year also marks the end of my student term. I cannot begin to describe how the end of academics feels for someone who has spent all her life doing
only that. That too after an amazing 2 year journey with beautiful peers! At the same time, a new adventure awaits. I can’t wait to pursue the dreams I have filled my eyes with. I can’t wait to learn and grow with my ambition. It is scary, of course but oh so enthralling!!

Last but not the least, this year has also been about spiritual awakening. It has also been about trying to rebuild the connection with the Almighty and to attribute every success and lesson to his will. It has been about finding my core values again which were masked by meanness and pettiness in the company of the world.

All of these things have helped me be more authentic, more honest. They have helped me preserve my boundaries. To not care about the opinion of others, to be genuine in all deeds and interactions and to be true to my inner voice. I have realised, one must not do what their heart doesn’t testify of.

The coming year is going to bring many changes. The phase of life is such. There is so much to look forward to. So much I would probably be talking about in my next year’s account! I can’t wait for it to unfold. Of course there will be slumps and pitfalls – but with the mindset of this year – I am positive that the net result will always be on the asset side!

Sooo let’s end this year with loads of gratitude and even more hope!

Happy New Year!

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