Can you stop comparing, please?

by juwayriah · Published October 4, 2016 · Updated June 17, 2017

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Growing up with siblings is not easy. Every time, everywhere there is this constant comparison that you have to face. Maybe this is one of the biggest reasons behind the so called ‘sibling rivalry’!

If your elder sibling was the high school topper, the most frequent statement of your high school year would be,

“Look at him, he topped his school when he was in your grade!”

And, if your younger sibling is good at sports, the ‘favorite’ statement becomes,

“Look at him, he is younger than you and yet so promising!”

Wait! Don’t think you’re lucky if you DON’T have a sibling. There are relatives’ kids, neighbors and the very famous ‘Sharma ji’s son’ to show you that you are NOT good enough!

It is sad to think that today, all the ambitious souls are not trying to excel; just trying to go ahead. We’ve had books written and movies made on this subject wherein the social pressure and ill designed educational system is deteriorating lives. But do you think this whole “comparison” thing is limited to one society, one aspect and one system?

The answer is no.

It’s not only one society, one nation, or one culture responsible for this widely spread social evil. It is a human trait and hence is found in every human, applicable in every situation. And the worst part is, that we don’t even consider it wrong! All of us consciously or sub-consciously compare ourselves to others. We also compare one set of people with another. In fact, we have even defined the criteria of comparison. We have developed stereotypes and we stick to them, no matter what.

This whole comparison system is not gender specific, however, it is gender biased. Comparing girls and boys has been going on since centauries. Today, as we’ve reached the 21st century, hypocrisy has taken over discrimination where each side is actually practicing male chauvinism and feminism respectively and calling it equality. Girls have to battle reckless judgements on their colour, shape and weight. Like come on, you want to compare how much of melanin pigment one has? Men too have their own sets of troubles to face. They have to be tall, dark and handsome, are supposed to earn well and be able to afford more than their friends can!

Uhh! These gender roles!

Being a part of this system, we fail to realise the gross impact it has on our society. I feel sorry when I see these fairness cream companies earning in millions. I feel sorry when I see these impractical advertisements that claim weight loss without diet and exercise. I feel sorry when I see people bragging about their children’s grades, husband’s money or their own extravagant lifestyle; trying to belittle others in the process. From students committing suicides to murders that happen out of jealousy, this constant comparison is not helping the society; not at all!

Few years ago, a little boy and a little girl were neighbours. They played together and were great friends as kids. When they entered school, the girl always had an upper hand at academics. The guy was pestered by his parents to be as good as her. In his attempt to live up to their expectations, his own dreams, ambitions, self-esteem were all lost! Eventually jealousy took over friendship and hatred took over jealousy. Being sick of the daily insults and constant comparison at home, he took a drastic step one day…

He killed her.

Who is responsible for this?

I won’t answer. In turn I would want you to look at you palm. No, not because I am going to tell your horoscope. But because I want you to observe your fingers. Tell me if they are same in size? Tell me if they are identical?

They aren’t, right?

Are they not important? Each one of them?

They are, right?

It’s the same with people. Every individual is different yet significant. If you had to be ‘LIKE’ someone to be good enough, why were you made different? If God had meant to make everyone same and perfect, he wouldn’t have given us different faces, different souls. He wouldn’t have given us the ability to decide. But he did. So who are we to interfere? Who are we to make someone what they are not?

We need to change. We need to stop comparing and start excelling. We need to stop lowering our self-esteem or making people around us feel above or below any individual. We need to accept people as they are and stop hoping that they will become perfect. In fact we need to stop defining perfection. We need to realise that the only healthy ‘comparison’ that exists is the comparison with self. The only person you have to be better than is the person you were yesterday…

Don’t let anyone

Harm your self-esteem

You’re not good enough